Friday, March 10, 2017

On The Verge

For several months now I've been reading all the emails/blog posts from Allie Casazza from The Purposeful Housewife and I just subscribed to her podcast, The Purposeful Home, and I can't wait to get listening.  But for now I'm waiting for a big enough time-chunk to open up so I can get started.  At least that's what I keep telling myself.  :)  I actually have a lot of fear.  Somewhere along the way I've gotten real attached to my stuff.  Or in the very least I've felt like my stuff is truly needed. I know part of that has to do with my business.  Owning a custom design company where I design and create custom pieces for dancers, children, and brides requires a lot of stuff.  And it's not always organized.  Sometimes it's so disorganized that I end up buying stuff I already have because I simply can't find it.  I'm not proud of this.  But it's the truth.

I'm really not exactly happy with my life right now.  When someone comes over and I know they are coming I spend hours faking that we indeed are super clean people.  I scrub and stuff and vow to NEVER do this again!  And, now don't take this personally family and friends, but I kind of get peeved about it.  It's so annoying to have people over because I'm never "ready".  And quite frankly, I don't have TIME to even get READY because I have too much crap to do.  So it's such an imposition that I always curse myself for inviting people over and hence, I've stopped inviting people over.

When having people over is required, I'm bugged.  Like when clients have to come pick up their dance pieces I'm always rushing around trying to clean, and look presentable.  It's never convenient because I'm always so behind!  And I become a resentful, ornery person.  UGH!  I hate it.  I am so ashamed that I don't even want to tell you all.  Because it's not other people's fault that I'm letting all my stuff ruin my life.  It's my fault.  And I want to change.

The main reason why I'm ready to change my life is because of my kids and husband.  Our life has become a whirlwind of messes, clutter, practices, yelling, stress, and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.  We hardly have any fun any more.  Every single Martin Luther King day, or President's Day, or Memorial day guess what we do?  Clean.  We organize our closets, we clean our garage, we clean my office, we clean and organize the toy room.  And guess what?  It never lasts.  So we do it again and again and again.  It's not very fun.  And it's not creating fun memories.  It's just not the way I want to live and not at all how I want my kids to remember their childhood. I'm so sick of cleaning!  But I want to be clean.

Not only can we never go and do anything fun as a family because we have too many chores to do at home; but my kids can rarely invite friends over either.  When they do, either we've just spent the last few hours cleaning or most likely I have to apologize for some mess or other.  It's embarrassing.  So "no, kids, you CANNOT have friends over until we clean the entire house!" Its just a vicious cycle of messes, begging them to help, or giving up and embracing our life, as messy as it is at times.

I can go ahead and blame some of this on my upbringing.  I grew up in a mess.  Or I can go ahead and accept responsibility for continuing to share the messy love.  But I want to be clean. I want to have people over, and I want to have fun with my kids.  I would love to not spend every waking minute tidying, and organizing.  Just to wake up and do it all over again.

This is where Allie and all her ideas and testimonials are stepping in.  I am so hopeful that this is going to be a game changer!  Are you down and out about cleaning non-stop?  You should check her philosophies out! we come!  I hope...I'm still kind of scared.




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