Wednesday, June 8, 2016

A Single Lick of the Family Lolli

You know how sometimes you do things as a mother out of absolute desperation?  Well, that was me last night, er this morning.  About 3:20 am my 2 year old woke up.  He was clearly not completely conscious and he started screaming, "drink ca cas"  My word for things that are nasty, filthy, gross. If he finds a skittle underneath the bleachers at the high school I adamantly tell him with lots of gross facials, "ew, that is ca ca, you can't eat that!"  Apparently I've done a good job of teaching him that word because he was very clear that he wanted to drink "ca cas"

Of course I'm willing to give him anything after about 30 seconds of the wailing.  I keep asking him for different things but I'm trying not to bring him out of my room because, of course, the one night he wakes up screaming is the night my Mom is staying over.  She has to get up early for work so I don't want to wake her so I'm trying to "shush" him and fulfill his needs and just get back to sleep.

Then I remember, I bought 5 or 6 suckers from the bulk foods section of Winco the day before to keep him from jumping out of the cart (another desperate attempt example). He forgot about them and I hid them after we got home.  Thinking quickly I dashed to the hidden suckers and offered them.  Do you want a sucker?  Thinking "ca ca" might be a "sucker"  Nope.  Volume of ear splitting screaming just increased drastically.  

Finally I give up on quieting him.  "Go ahead and scream" I think, and start for the kitchen. "Do you want water?" "No!" he screams.  "Which cup do you want to drink 'ca cas' out of?" This is my distraction technique...Let's get him thinking about his cup choice while I rack my brain of what it is he is actually wanting.  After I've already pulled about 7 cups and lined them up on the counter, he picks a filthy blue cup out of the dishwasher.  Filthy blue cup it is. I start rinsing it out so he won't actually get sick and start trying to figure out what "ca ca" he wants to drink.  I want you to know he has not stopped bawling and screaming this entire time.

By this point Dan has joined in the quest to help solve the problem, which is saying a lot about the level of noise we're talking about.  Dan can sleep through a lot of ruckus.  So together we are offering, juice, milk..when realization sets in, "Oh, do you want some of Daddy's drink?"  I look to Dan with a pleading look of, "Please tell me you have some Diet Mountain Dew somewhere!"  Daddy's drink is, "ca cas" because it actually is nasty tasting and not good for him so I don't want him to drink it.  "Whew!" We finally solved the problem. Dan pads out to the street in his basketball shorts and bare feet to find a can of diet mountain dew hidden in his trunk.  "You're ok, we are getting you a drink of "ca cas" I assure him so he'll stop sobbing. The hiss of the freshly opened can can barely be heard over my babies continual screaming for "ca cas".  Afraid of messing up we offer, "do you want it in the can or the blue cup?"  See, we're experienced parents and we know, one little mistake such as pouring it in the wrong cup or pouring it in a cup at all can set you back another 10 minutes of frustration and wailing. That is not a risk any sensible person is going to make at 3:30 a.m.  He doesn't want it in the cup.  We lift the can to his trembling lips.

And, He burps.

Crying stops, he cuddles into my neck and says, "go to sleep."   He did not drink one smidgen of "ca ca" or of diet mountain dew or of anything.  He didn't even have a single lick of the family lolli.  All he did was scream bloody murder for 20 minutes.  Burp and go back to sleep.  Oh the joys of motherhood.

You've seen the DirecTV  "Settlers" commercials right?  I don't know why, but I love them.  They just tickle my funny bone. Look them up on you tube and you'll know what I'm talking about. 

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